15 November 2005

what a day

man, i wish it was one day. at least it'd be over by now.

life isn't the most fun now. it's not that i cant find fun or that i'm not having any fun. it's just that... i'm not having fun. even as i write that i realize how many great things i have. but this stuff with my parents is just wearing me down (and i've only been truly in the midst of it for a week now. i knew about the situation in general for 6 months and it wasn't that i didn't want to help; i just didnt think it was my place to do more than listen and comfort.) like, i don't even want to stop doing anything because it'll give me time to think about it. i've been playing guitar and listening to music just non-stop to keep my mind occupied.

you think just graduating's hard? try graduating, getting married, working 50 hrs a week, and having your parents try and get divorced all in 6 months. not to mention the fact that jess and i are not living in Mt. Juliet or Knoxville for the first time in 5 years and we don't have a steady church yet. we have to drive 6 mi to go exercise and neither that nor internet is even close to being free.

i'm just glad i have jesse with me. this would not be fun without her.

and it's not that i'm truly worried about my place or what's going to happen with our lives because i know God has it and i'd much rather Him have it than me. even though i know all this, it still doesnt mean i'm having a good time. it's like, for the past 5 years i've had the overall goal of graduating and getting a job. well, i've done that, so now what do i do? where do i go from here? where do we go from here?

1 comment:

scott said...

and i think that part you said about "for the past 5 years i've had the overall goal of graduating and getting a job. well, i've done that, so now what do i do? where do i go from here?" is such an interresting question... because i think we are all (those of us still in school) focused so hard on exactly that, that i mean... there is just no more room to consider "so what exactly do i do after i finish these goals??"... my answer from this-still college attending- perspective would be "just enjoy life in the time that i'm not working" (which sucks that you have about 10 hours LESS than the average working joe... and thats about all i've got... but what does it really mean to enjoy life?... or is it really in the striving to accomplish these big goals (different goals for different points in life i suppose) with friends and loved ones that the REAL enjoyment or "fun" of life can be found? it does seem like when people reflect on times they really worked hard for a good purpose that, perhaps counterintuitively, they find that they were actually having the most fun of all...

i'm so sorry about your parents... i wish there was something i could do or say, but, atleast in a direct fashion, i know there isnt anything... i'll be thinking and praying about you and your family.