i started this yesterday, but it just didn't happen.
i'm in a funk right now. (i think maybe jess is too. maybe she's just emotional) i dont know what it is, but i have a good idea. i think it's my birthday. for some reason i can look forward to anyone else's birthday but mine. i just feel so torn because i want to have a fun birthday but i don't want to make a huge deal out of it and expect something. so i find myself acting apathetic about something maybe i should be helping jesse "get together." man, it's like i want to help, but i feel like i'm over-stepping, but i want to have fun, but i dont want to put any pressure on jess. i don't know how to feel! i wish there was some single planable event that i could just suggest to her that we could do, but honestly, i just miss people being around. and i waited to way too late to suggest a get-together, but i guess that's all i really need. i'm sorry i'm such a indecisive doofus, jess. it's almost like i have this simultaneous fear of not feeling special and feeling like i'm being treated too special. how do you fix that?
and on top of all that "what to do," i'm trying to suggest gift ideas, but i just feel bad doing that, but then i worry that if i dont i wont feel special and then we get back into that whole thing. i think i'm a wuss.
early morning (sunrise) driving music favorites:
Bloc Party (Silent Alarm)
Radiohead (anything from Kid A or Amnesiac)
Death Cab for Cutie (Transatlantacism) (although it can be a bit of a downer, sometimes you just feel like it)
Sufjan Stevens (Come On! Feel the Illinoise!)
Flaming Lips (Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots)
Fatboy Slim (Halfway Between or You've Come a Long Way)
i would've mentioned Neutral Milk Hotel but there really isn't a bad time for that so it's an automatic in. speaking of, i got this live CD of Jeff Mangum the other day after we saw Black Rebel Motorcycle Club for FREE at this record store (which was awesome). the sound quality is pretty low but the whole thing appears to have been recorded pretty spur of the moment. and since i wasn't lucky enough to see him in person, this is a nice opportunity.
we watched LOST with our neighbor, Todd, last night. that was fun. he's in his late 20s, i think. he has a cat and it just had kittens; his place is always very tidy; he has no food in his refrigerator; and he smokes very good (i'm told) pot. he's single and seems to not really like it, so we've been trying to interact with him more. plus we're always looking for a new friend. so we had Cici's and watched in slight annoyance as the girl characters displayed annoying qualities. is it just me or is LOST kind of dissapointing this season? the characters seems less... feasible in general. i was talking to bryan and we decided that the writers are walking a fine line between great writing and a possibly incoherent plot. here is a really good article on why LOST is sucking: Fan Of Science, Fan Of Faith
this whole birthday stuff makes me feel really stupid. i don't know why i do this.
oh yeah! in the mood to find new music you'll never find? check out Pandora. you just put in a band you like and it generates songs that it thinks you'll like. and it's pretty dang good too. check it out.