Concert Etiquette

I (we) go to many a music show nowadays, so I feel I’m a pretty decent judge of what is and isn’t appropriate behavior at a show (if you don’t believe me, just check out my resume). So here we go; here’s how to avoid being a douche bag:

1.) If you’re too lazy to get there early or on time, you don’t have the right to push your way up through everyone and plant wherever and in front of whoever you like. I cannot stress this enough. This is a patented douche bag move.
2.) Oh, and even if you weren’t too lazy to show up early but your friends were, if you invite them up front to squeeze in, you’re a douche bag by association.
3.) If you violate rule no.1, you better only be 4’ tall.
4.) If any part of you is touching someone else because of lack of space, you do NOT have room to dance.
5.) Let me clarify, when I say “dance,” I don’t mean nodding your head or tapping your foot or something like that (there’s no reason to be a statue). What I DO mean is jumping around and/or swinging your arms. You’re already shoulder to shoulder with your neighbors. You don’t have room to JUMP!
6.) If you feel the need to smoke in the middle of people, don’t. Leave or get the patch.
7.) If you decide talking to your neighbors is more enjoyable than listening to the music, leave. Someone else more interested wants your spot.
8.) If you’re 45 rows back, the band can’t hear you. Don’t scream in my EAR.
9.) And if you’re gonna scream something, it better be witty or mocking some other screamer or so help me.

I think that about does it. Stick to these guidelines and you’ll be on your way to being hated much less. If you think of something I forgot, let me know.

love,
josh